OK... I have proposed.

In the least genuine and proper manner...

------------

We spend the whole day together in a hanging out fashion. Lunch at a quiet resturant and chat till 4, then we went to bookstore for she's looking for a travel booklet to GaoHsung. She's leaving to GH on a 3 day trip with her sis, and that's why she needs a guild book to go around.

During our time in the bookstore, I offered to borrow her my dc... so we ended up in my place. And that turns out to be a really bad move...

After taught her how to use dc, we ended up sitting there doing nothing but chatting mindlessly again. And since she's on my turf... somehow I felt encouraged and suggesteds to go rent a dvd I was talking about back in the resturant. And so we did...

Just Merried - DVD
3 sandwich (Dinner)
1 bag of snack (Blue one for fitting her cloth color)
and
4 smirnoff ice (2 lime, 2 lemon)

are with us when we come back to my place.

At this point I realized that I should have proposed during lunch time, or at least during the movie.

It was a funny movie and so I ended up paying too much attention to the movie than to her... how smart can I be.

So far I have missed 2 big fat chances already.

After the movie, we were drinking... she couldn't drink a lot... probably because she's tired already or something else. "It'd be perfect timing if I say it now", I said to myself. But... the phone rang... was stupid turtle and thank him so much for cooling me down...

After that, it was around 10 already... so I send her home...

ok... three times get it all. Now I am truely the fool.

Everyone been telling me:

it's good for u.
there's nothing to lose.
wouldn't hurt if u try.
be a man and spit it out.

And I admit some part of me really want to feel love again (no... not the dirty part, morons). But as I have stated, it's such an unbelieveable bad timing. 30+ days I have left in taiwan, why do I bother?

Anyways, maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe I was too tired. Later that night, I proposed to her over MSN. I should have at least call her.

After a long silence, she said she's surprised (I don't really believe this part, because I was rather obvious. Maybe she's surprised of how stupid I am proposing over msn...) and she'd like to know when did I start to have this feeling...

I couldn't answer the question... why is that important??? Does it really matter??? So what if I start to like you 10 days ago, 100 days ago or 100 years ago???

At least to me, it seems irrelevant... But, I'm not a girl...

Since I couldn't answer right away, I msn back telling her that we better discuss this matter over the phone, and she said sure.

So I called her back.

What kinda lame answer I told her, I have nearly forgotten. I probably said I've had this feeling since our last reunion about half year ago. Yeah, that seems about right.

And after that, both of us purposely avoid to discuss back to that matter and we ended the conversation in peace...

She's going to tell me yes or no, after she come back from GH. And I really really really wish the answer be a big NONO.

If she said yes, I would feel so sorry for her. And I'll try my best to repay her... and that... would majorly hinder my plan of becoming a Warcraft Master... and GC Pokemon Master... (GBA Pokemon Master, I already am)...

Wants to be loved.......... that's a weird feeling I never remember I've had before.

And probably the only reason that had driven me into this mess.

--------------------------------------------

Later that night, I had a weird dream (dreams are mostly weird). The weirdest thing about the dream is that all my longest and best friends showed up. In the order of appearence in the dream: Young, Dean, Ken, Jeffrey...

I was taking a math exam, seems like a math final.

Young and Dean was taking the exam as well, they screwed me around by hiding my pencil-case (haha, haven't had one for long) and so I had a super late start.

I saw Ken was out side waiting for me. And as everyone finished up the exam, I was the last person left in the classroom still struggling with the test. (Somehow I can still remember some questions, they are really simple, but I just couldn't answer)

And as the whole classroom emptied out, the teacher sits impatiently in front of me (but she told me to take my time, no hurry). And that's when Jeffrey bluntly bumped into the classroom, sat beside me and the teacher, chatted with her a little, and left. (What the hell is he thinking and doing here anyways?)

Ken is still waiting outside and I really want to finish up the exam.

And that's when I noticed it's 8:10 in the morning already... man... I really want to finish up the dream. You know, I'm sure if I fall back to sleep, I can finish the math exam and see what's waiting for me... but... I have to come to office... damn...

Sign... life sux...

It's always so hard to reach what you really want, and sometimes when you really get there, you find out it's not any close to what you have expected.

... cheer up ... at least I have did it..... no matter how lame it was...