最後的疼愛

Darn.. I want to type chinese so much. But the stupid NJStar is too difficult to use once I'm used to the standard zhuyin method.

Anyways...

This is not the first time. And somehow I've already knew it'll not be the last time either.

I'm again in a state that she's overwhelmingly occupied almost all of my mind. Couldn't stop thinking about her. What's she doing now? Is she having fun? How's her last day of work? How's the europe trip planned? Will I be able to see her? What will i say to her once I do see her? What's her hair like? What's she gonna do on her vacation? How's her new labtop? What happen if i miss her again? Will she come back to van after this summer? ...... that's like 5% of all the questions that keeps lingering in my mind...

Last time when this happened, I called her up and sorta sorted things out a bit.

But this time.. calling her is not an option (since i'm in states, no phone).

Tried to e-mail her, but I realized I have absolutely no idea what to say. Plus... I'm not sure if bugging her with the same problem once every while is a very mature thing to do.

Well... nagging here to you all is the least thing i can do, while I definitely know that most of you are tired of my nagging already.

Perhaps I should see a doctor, or a shaman, or whatever.

This feeling is getting way outta of my control. I've been trying to make it seems like a positive thing to do, trying to hurt myself less, trying to ignore my true feelings...

What are my true feelings? I'm totally lost.

Thought the only thing I've ever wanted is her happiness. And her happiness ought to bring me happiness. Now I have doubt if this equation really works. I hope it would.

Again, I choose to overlook my problems and observe what'll happen to me at the end. Torturing myself for something meaningless as a punishment.

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I'm pretty sure I was exaggerating here and there.

There's only one thing that's certain: she's still occupying a huge portion of my heart.

That's sad. (from certain point of view)

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Went to Sonics VS Spurs game 3 last night at the Key Arena.

It was a horrible victory. Well, at least, it's a victory.

The cheerleaders were hot tho.

It was my first NBA game, and I'll probably write something more about it later.

To sum up, it was great. Not a great game, but it was great to be watching nba live. An entriely different experience than merely seeing it on TV.

While I have no idea what it's like in a regular game, but I know now that the playoffs are great. People were crazy and the whole arena was shakening by the crowds. It was fun to just be there, even for those who knows next to nothing about basketballs (eg. me).